Layoff's suck

Well the dreaded has finally happened to me after 7 and 1/2 years of being in the video game industry. I finally get laid off.. while i'm not pissed about it.. just ironic that after 7 years this is my first layoff.

Well I have a job interview lined up in San Rafael next thursday.. pretty far.. but from what i'm hearing, the job sounds very nice...

so we will see what happens.!!

but for now.. i can get drunk and not worry about having to worry about waking up the next morning! =0P

SAVE THE DATE!!

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, MAY 7.

Click HERE for more info and participating stores near you!

fatigue?

Anyone know if hay fever/this allergy thing causes fatigue?

I've been hyper-exhausted since Saturday and I dunno if it's been caffeine withdrawal or allergies or a possible actual sickness. I've been having bad allergies since Saturday. I've been lacking sleep nonetheless for the past months.. but I've been extra tired lately. I remember that this happened last year around allergy season too. I'm thinking that since my nose is plugged due to allergies that my sleep isn't necessarily smooth. BUT, I'm just wondering if anyone heard any other relations between allergies and fatigue (non-Benadryl influenced.)

quick review - Amityville Horror

I just saw this movie tonight.. and after poor excuses for scary movies in White Noise, Boogeyman, and The Grudge - I felt tonight I was resolved.

This movie was disturbing, haha, in a good horror-movie way.

Quick scorecard:
Spooky/Ambiance - 8/10 - no holds barred, this movie hit hard and hit fast in terms of setting the mood. The backstory was hit. The Plot wasn't complicated or complex...

Plot - 5/10 - most horror flicks fit this mode. how many ghost stories can you tell? good original stories: Sixth Sense, The Others, The Ring. This one is typical, not deep, though it makes (horror-movie) sense and doesn't waste much time trying to add story. There is always the flirtation between supernatural and mental health disorder in these movies. The flirtation is effective. Each SCARE is built into the story...

Scariness - 9/10 - just scary. The heart was pounding through most of the movie despite the dorky, fufu high school kids sitting around us making stupid comments (some funny).

Shock value - 10/10 - This movie hit hard and hit fast. Actual faces/bodies/presence of ghosts earlier. Great make-up. Great timing. (never unpredictable in a sense if you're watching in terms of studying/analyzing it - but if you were watching it for the sake of getting good jolts, this delivered!)

Psychological Scares - 6/10 - Not psychological at all. All the shocks and scares were spoon fed. THe psychological build up was present but overpowered by the scare tactics.

Lasting "fear" - 10/10 - This had the hard and frequent hits. It had effective hits. It was disturbing in it's technical visual appeal and also the chosen ideas by the filmmakers. It also had a little bit of a deeper level story. It also had some gore.

OVERALL AVG SCORE: 8/10 - for a run of the mill jumpp-out-of-your-seats ghost story this was definitely worth what you go to the movie for.

DO IT!

oops

False Advertising on my part.

I went into the comic shop today all giddy about the new runs on Amazing and Fantastic Four. Well, I had the premiere dates all mixed up!

The Fantastic Four run written by JMS and drawn by Mike McKone (EXiles, Teen Titans) will start with issue #519. The current new issue, #517, is only a two part-arc.

Amazing Spider-man is on its last run with JMS and Mike Deodato JR (Thanks goodnesS!) which will run for four issues I think. I can't stand Deodato's art. He's good, but his face work seems so lifeless. I don't know why.

No new movie reviews here, but I shall be watchnig Amityville Horror on Friday. I did appreciate Fina calling me up for a random ass "Dogma" reference. Fina called when I was outside of the high school with the other counselor/principals trying to prevent this car with suspicious looking dudes from getting comfy enough to try to come on campus. Gang heat is sparking up and my high school is in the middle of a lot of it. Sucks.

GO WARRIORS! with their 20-10 record in the last 30 games and the improbable crash of the Lakers - the W's are completely tied with the Lakers in record. Crazy, who woulda thunk. Conspiracy wise - since LA has officially moved up in the draft lottery rankings, expect LA to get a top 3 pick. New York will also get a top 3 pick. Why? The playoffs without the Lakers AND the Knicks? That just can't happen in the Association.

Let's all send our condolensces to Paris and Nicole for their recent spat and subsequent break-up.

Early forsight: Last week at the A's game I was a bit perplexed that Barry Zito, 2 years removed from a Cy Young Award, was pitching. Why? He's looked shaky for the past year and a half. Why would I want to start off the year with a crappy game for a guy who's almost completely lost "it". Anyway, I was halfway joking that Barry would give up at least a 2-run homer in the first inning to Vlad Guerrero. Never happened. Barry pitched lights out, but got a no decision because the A's bats just sucked! What happened tonight? Granny shot in the first inning to Bret Boone. Man, they should've jus broken the bank on Huddy and sent Zito packing to the beloved Yankees.

Early Season A's MVP Awards (plural?)

Most Obvious - Mark Kotsay, top 10 in batting average in the league so far.

Most Expected - Rich Harden, he missed his first start due to a blister. How'd he make up for it? One lights out win and a no decision in a pitcher's duels that should've landed him an easy wins had the A's just scored 3. By the way, in his two games, his ERA is 0.68.

Most Underappreciated therefore Neglected: Marco Scutaro, not only is he helping get the A's bats out of slumber (at the bottom of the lineup nonetheless) but he is also spot starting at shortstop (he's a 2B) for injured Bobby Crosby and still turning in some GREAT plays!

M(o)VP aka Most Over Paid - Eric Chavez, don't get me wrong, I love watching this guy play D, but if there's anyone on the A's who will NEVER, eeeever come through for any level of a clutch it, it's E.C. Robert Buon on the radio was defending EC saying that the real reason they chose him over Tejada was because he was younger and that his best years are ahead of him. Well, Tejada's an MVP who's clutch and quite diligent on defense. The real reason? Bobby Crosby. Too bad Bobby wasn't a third baseman. The A's would've been in the playoffs last year with Tejada leading. NO DOUBT!

tuning in from nerdworld

You probably don't care, but here is some comic book news:

Wednesday (comic release day, like Tuesdays are always new releases for cds and dvds) is pretty big.

Fantastic Four and Amazing Spider-man have been run by the same creative teams for pretty long runs - I know Amazing Spider-man has been written and drawn by J. Michael Straczynski and John Romita JR (except for the last 8 issues drawn by Mike Deodato) since August 2001. Fantastic Four's been written by Mark Waid and drawn by.. I'm not sure. I wasn't following it. Anyway, the writers have swapped titles and their premiere issues are coming out on Wednesday.

Waid's been one of the industry's best writers for a while and wrote Kingdom Come (that Joyce and I discussed last week. See the Asylum post.)

Straczynski (JMS) was the creator/writer of Babylon 5 and other shows. Some people loved his run (I did except for the last two stories), others hated him. I'm excited about his Fantastic Four run since I'm interested in learning more about the team and jumping on when he starts seems like an ideal time. (Same for Waid's run. I think it's time for Spider-man to get a new direction, and I'm excited. Spider-man is my favorite character to read though recently I've gotten into a DC kick.)

If you're interested, I have a bunch of trade paperbacks (the story arcs collected into a graphic novel type thing) I've picked up lately. I they're better (esp. when you have little money) because they're cheaper than the total combined cover price of all the issues collected, PLUS, the whole damn story's included (excpet 12-issue arcs like the Hush story I gave Joyce).

I have the WHOLE JMS run on Amazing Spider-man except for the last 4 issues, but I will pick that up when it gets printed up as a trade paperback.

Walking Dead VOl. 1 and 2 (collecting issues #1 - #12). If you're a fan of George Romero's Dawn of the Dead zombie stories, you might be into Walking Dead.

Sin City, The Hard Goodbye. If you've seen the movie, you've already seen this graphic novel. Still a great way to see Frank Miller at his best. His use of lights and shadows is just ridiculous.

Batman, The Dark Knight Returns. This is a Frank Miller joint too. It's supposedly one of the two pivotal graphic stories ever made (the other being The Watchmen, by Alan Moore who also wrote League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and From Hell before they were made into somehwat subpar movies. The Watchmen is currently in production for a theatrical release. Jude Law might be in it. Another Alan Moore joint, V for Vendetta, is also in production, which will feature Natalie Portman.)

Teen Titans, A Kid's Game (Issues #1 - 6 of the current run) written by Geoff Johns. Johns is known as one of the best TEAM BOOK writers currently in the biz, and so far the storytelling's been fun and well paced. Teen Titans, formerly New Teen Titans, etc. is like the younger collection of the Justice League - actually it's a collection of all the sidekicks of our favorites: Batman (Robin), Wonder Woman (Wondergirl), etc. Nightwing used to be a Titan.

Outsiders, by Judd Winick (from Real World SF. He also wrote Pedro and Me to document and dedicate art to Pedro Zamora who was featured in that season). This is a team book and I have yet to read it and I don't know what the Outsiders are about. Nightwing is the leader. I'll inform you more of it later, if you're interested.

Avengers Disassembled, by Brian Michael Bendis. This basically ended the original run of The Avengers (over 500 issues going strong). Avengers = Marvel's version of the Justice League. The writing was good and artwork was good. It's a bit chaotic as most catastrophic super events are. I hear most diehard Avengers fans hated the story.

Runaways, Vol. 1 (collects issues 1-6) by Brian K Vaughn. This is a team book with teens, sort of like Teen Titans but different. The DC world's much more superhero while Marvel's more rooted in science fiction. I'm not sure if that's a correct generalization. But DC is all about the flashy suits, the alter egos, and the larger than life - yet super tacky villains. If you look at most of Marvel's characters, they are all about science fiction (X-men: genes, Spider-man: science nerd, Hulk: scientist, Fantastic Four: space travellers, etc.) Anyway, the Runaways are teenagers who find out their parents have superpowers and are part of an underground super villain group. Yeah, yeah - dorky premise, but it's a comic book. Anyway, it's a fun read.

On a side note, it's interested how these older men (later 20s - mid 30s) write to represent regular teenagers (having to deal with these super powers and super situations). The dialogue's cool - but then again, by working with youth myself, I don't necessarily think their characterizations are hyper-accurate.

Okay, I'm a dork. I know. I think that's why i'm single. HAHA. just kidding.

STAR WARS!!!

Ohh how George Lucas has screwed up the Star Wars franchise... but then again.. I'm going to the midnight showing to watch the 3rd Episode.. so has he really screwed it up!

Obviously not.. cuz Star Wars geeks like me keep going to the movies..

Maybe it's because we keep giving Georger Lucas a second and third chance to not screw it up!

Here's my thoughts of his movies...

Star Wars Ep. 1- The Phantom Menace: Boy did he screw up here.. this movie just seemed irrelevant and a waste of time.. Maybe it was too innocent .. too childish.. then again.. it's probably what he intended.. because anakin is suppose to be innocent.. confused.. but after watching that movie.. I wanted to puke. The Phantom Menace seems to be an appropriate name for a movie that just didn't seem to flow!!

Star Wars Ep. 2 - Attack of the Clones: Now this was somewhat decent.. but again.. like the first.. trying to cram too much crap into the movie.. LACK of character development.. i just didn't care for the characters... this movie was more comic relief than anything..

Star Wars Ep. 3 - Revenge of the Sith: well have to watch it.. but from the trailers.. it looks GOOD!!! FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!!

Star Wars Ep. 4 - A New Hope: The movie that started it all.. yes.. it was probably as chessy as episode 1 n 2... but it's what started the craze.. but then again.. it was a very fun movie to watch. . I think what made the movie so much fun to watch was the chemistry between the actors.. something lacking in the new movies put out by Lucas!

Star Wars Ep. 5 - Empire Strikes Back: Oh the darkest of all the movies.. and my favorite.. maybe it's because someone else directed the movie.. and actually told a good story.. you had it all.. DARK.. TWISTED.. and the biggest key character developement.. I mean.. i actually cared for the characters.. something that didn't happen before.. in Ep1 I just wanted to be the hero..
Ep 2. man i wanted to be everyone! (well minus the women)

Star Wars Ep. 6 - Return of the Jedi: Now this movie.. after watching over and over again.. falls into Ep. 2 category.. because it really wasn't all that.. but it was still fun to watch... the chemistry amongst carrie fisher.. mark hammil and harrison ford is just great....

Maybe i'm biased because i watched ep 4 - 6 as a child.. but who knows... I just hope 3 is a good movie!!

random shtuff

"To me, male modeling isn't just about being really good looking and having a lot of fun, or being really, really, really good looking..." - Derek Zoolander

I spent the day like this:

8am - woke up to Meet the Press discussing Tom Delay. Not pleasant. I fell asleep last night in the middle of SNL, second week in a row. That's troublesome because I fell asleep before I took my asthma medication. Forgetting that + the high pollen count means problems the next morning. I was having bad dreams about suffocating of sorts because my damn nose was stuffed.

10am - after quickly getting ready for bball (sunscreen but forgetting to tape my injured pinky) I headed to the Sunday Morning basketball game. I didn't play particularly well today. I'd give myself a C. My shot felt off the whole day.

1:30pm - got home and ate. watched some A's baseball, some NBA, took short naps (5 minutes at length).

4pm - headed to my frequented cafe to study. luckily a colleague/classmate from the other section sent us a list of the study guide topics to this midterm I'm sorta stressed about (i have this bad feeling the professors are going to grill us with trick questions and whatnot instead of jsut making sure we're UNDERSTANDING the content). The guide helped out. THere are 92 items (some repeated) - and I've gone through most of them by adding notes/reading.

8pm - went home to eat

8:45pm - went to my friend's house to continue studying

11:15pm - went home to eat a salad

11:55pm - watching Zoolander. Typing this blog.

Boring post. Sorry.

sunday afternoon

It's the spring Sunday afternoon like this
that's like nostalgia in a bottle -
the breeze, the beautiful weather, and
just a little bit of
The Chicago Peter Cetera.

When you open that bottle
it's the spontaneous punch
of drunk ass love, even if
you can't recognize where it came from.

the punch.
the love.
the drunken haze of happiness
and the wealth of emptiness
in terms of any real concerns
except for the two
who love
under a strong sun
and the soft breeze perfecting
the heat
and comfort.

GOUT FLARE!!

So it's been awhile since I've had a gout flare and suddenly I get a major flare on Thursday!

I know, I know.. i'm only 30.. i'm too young!! it's the old man disease as they call it.. or the rich man's disease!!

Why the flare.. well...

1) kinda forgot to take my medication
2) well i've been drinking alot lately
3) Lack of water.. (i've never knew why water was so important to a diet.. now i know.. then again i've always known)
4) "Trauma" to the knee.. as the doctors say...
5) well.. when you have no flare in a long time.. (almost a year) you just become complacent..

So wondering what gout is?? Just think of it like this.. A SEVERE (and I mean severe) form of Arthritis! I mean SEVERE. so bad.. you cannot even touch the affected area without pain...

So what does this all mean.. well i'm stubborn.. so i'll be drinking water for a while.. slow down the drinking.. eat a bit more healthier.. then back to the old habits.. I'm so stubborn.. haha.. oh well...

I think I should find a gf so I just keep my ass at home.. HAHHAHAH

Sarah Shahi

Here is a picture:



from IMDB.com

Just for reference.

Partying in MEXICO!!

K off to a brighter subject...

My friend invited me to go with her to Mexico for a party she's DJ'ing.... and of all things it's a Pajama Party.. meaning people in PJ's... well basically women in lingerie.. Now I must say this is dangerous territory for me.. not because it's in Mexico (btw.. it's a border city like Tiajuana.. so I'm not far from the US border...) but because of HALF NAKED WOMEN!!

I think it's bad enough I'm going with two girls.. who are also cute.. and are dressing up.. oh boy.. I better stay sober.. HAHAHA

FOB or FOBulous OR IGNORANT

Okay it's 220am on the west coast.. and I thought I'd add more to my confusion as a youngster...

I think one of the problems I fell into growing up was the seperation between FOB and Fil-Ams...

This never became more apparent to me until I moved back from the Philippines and back into American Lifestyle...

The one thing I noticed the most was Filipinos who could speak.. and Filipinos who couldn't.. and alot of the times I found myself not wanting to associate myself with fluet speaking Filipinos.. you know that ones that spoke Tagalog really well...

I don't know about you, but for me.. I got caught up in a crowd we're if you spoke our language it was almost seen as a bad thing.. bad in the sense that they were not "Americanized".. they had an accent.. they "looked" different.. "acted" different...

And boy was that wrong of me to think that way... Just because you spoke fluently didn't make them any different than me or any other American.. if there was any one ignorant, it was ME!

It was like.. hey you have an American Accent just like me.. you're cool... so even if you spoke the language it's okay because you don't have an accent...

As I grew older, I began to realize.. CRAP.. WHY DIDN'T I LEARN WHEN I WAS IN THE PHILIPPINES.. I was there for 5 years.. and never learned... I grew envious of the people who knew.. spoke and wrote in our native tongue...

It's so ironic now.. because just for fun, I'll speak with an accent.. just because I love our accent and I just love poking fun at our culture (in a good way of course)... I envy the people who speak (but i'm lazy to learn .. hahaa.. more ironcy)

The ironcy here is that I lived in the Philippines.. I knew people who spoke fluently who had deep accents.. I hung around these people.. and never had a problem with it.. it wasn't until I moved back that I got caught up.

Joyce brings up one hella of a point.. To Be "ENOUGH" Filipino for the FilAM community and and "too" Filipino for the FilAm community.

I completely got caught up in that scene and the sad thing was, I saw both sides.. I lived both sides.. then I come back to the US and I find myself choosing "sides"!

I'll just call this the Dark Ages of my confused ignorant mind... I was too busy trying to "fit in" with FilAm culture that I lost the true meaning of who and what a Filipino is.

If I knew the language now.. and you called me a FOB.. I'd be proud of it.. but such wasn't the case when I was younger. From what I understood, to be called a FOB was being a social outcast from the FilAm generation I was growing up with. You just weren't cool!! Who knows what it was.. but I was a fool to think such a way. Maybe it was just my way of thinking.. going through an identity crisis... thinking you had to think one way in order to be "cool"...

Nowadays it's no longer like that. To be true to yourself is now "cool" in my book. That was something I never came to grips with until my early adult life.

I was just plain ignorant!

To Be Filipino... hmm.. what does it mean

I was reading the blog Eric posted and it just made me think of how I was when I was younger.

Growing up I always wondered what it meant to be Filipino. Not to knock my parents.. but growing up I never had any one I could look up to and say yeah that's what it means. Maybe it was because of the culture gap between my parents and I or it was the history books I read. Growing up as an Asian American was very confusing! Was I Chinese.. Japanese.. Korean.. all I know was I was labeled as an ORIENTAL on the east coast.

Who was I suppose to look up to aside my parents? It seemed like every race had a figure that meant something, from George Washington to Martin Luther King and MLK was probably the one person I looked up to the most.. why??? because he was a man of color who stood up for what was right... I think this was a reason why I grew up wanting to be black.. just because my "heros" were black!

Why?? Well when you read history books, there's nothing in there that talks about Filipinos and their contributions to American society. We never hear about people like Carlos Bulosan, the man who helped create Labor Unions for the migrant work force in California. We never hear about the Watsonville riots, though we read about the Watts riots all the time.

Is this ignorance on the part of American society.. no not necessarily, you can't blame them on that. It's up to us, filipinos, to make sure that it gets into the history books.

Until college I never knew what it really meant to be filipino. Until college, the only thing I knew was:
1) We like to party
2) We have big families
3) Everyone is a cousin or relative
4) Someone is in the US military
5) We have spanish last names (most of us that is)

I laugh when I think about my youth. When I was younger, I would never claim filipino. I'd always say like Guamanian or Hawaiian or something like that.. why.. because it seemed cool at the time.. cuz I didn't want to classify myself as a Filipino... I wanted to be something else... I thought I was black for awhile.. maybe that had something to do with watching Black Comedies when i was a child growing up on the East Coast.. or maybe it had to do something with me always hanging out with the black kids at school...

What really put me in check was when I got into college and joined the Filipino club and then became active in groups like FYC (Filipino Youth Coalition). These things opened my eyes... and soon enough I started learning about Filipino history and the things Filipinos have done in the past.. The struggles... The contributions... The sacrafices....

Everything I looked for was there.. role models.. history.. etc.. .etc.. and from that moment I was proud to be filipino.. I was proud to say I'm FILIPINO.. PERIOD!!.. It's sad to think it took me that long to come around.. but maybe I was looking for something to fufil my inside...

But what really made me be proud to be Filipino.. my reason on what it means to be Filipino.. was when all my cousins started having kids... To me that's when I really became proud to be Filipino.. that's when I started looking at the bigger picture... when i realized, it's not about the role players outside or the history of the Filipino that make you who you are, or make you Filipino. It's the people that surround you on a daily basis that make you who you are... FAMILY... and to me.. what makes me a Filipino and what it means to be a Filipino .. MY FAMILY... they are the people I look up too.. the people I will not let down.. the people I make sacrafices for... if it were not for My Family I would not be the person I am today... Then another thing I realized... What better role person to have than to have that person in your family...

I know that when the kids were all born, I told myself..

"you're gonna be around these kids alot.. better make sure you set a good example.. be a role model in their life..."

Okay okay.. so the kids are nothing but monsters around me... I can't help it.. they bring the child out in me! =P

I am very proud of my history and background... but had it not been for my family, I would never have known what it meant to be Filipino. For me, the key to being Filipino starts with the family.

Okay enough blabbering from me.. (we're a mafia, we just don't know it)

Cheap shot of the century!

Dark Brown Boy giving a chair shot to the unsuspecting El Juanderboy!

you silly wankers, I'm a rock star!

you can't mess with my robot!

The unexpected gust of contentment

I still wonder to myself
where I'll be in a week or a month
or two from now.

I mean, after the break
and the party,
and the exhale of this journey.

Where are the dreams I carried
in my back pocket
as I typed that statement of
personality?
Where is that me-against-the-system
bravado I shined
through the ice called
an application?

Lost in the shuffle
and interned moments of exploration
never so satisfying but of learning
nonetheless -
are the goals unrefined and defined
only by defeatism.
I gotta admit,
Arnold and George have done a great job
of killing my spirit.

Yet - I know there is method
within this flurry of chaos and
deception.
I know that I want great things -
and not only want them to exist,
but know they will create upon
the efforts of my calloused fingertips.
The papers, the citations, and the title pages,
all of them,
are fusing together into my arsenal
because I am ready for this great fight
no matter how disillusioned I've
let them
let me
become.

It's almost time.
- 04.11.05

So anyway.. I've been really ambivalent towards graduation and this whole grad school thing the past year. At times I've been excited for the end (for the sake of the end) and other times i've been, well, ambivalent. At times I really didn't care to take part in graduation because it's "just a ceremony". I'm not too cool for a ceremony, but you know.. it's just a ceremony. But then, I do want to walk with my classmates - complete this circle that we have journeyed together. But still, that was it.. and also to allow my family to enjoy the moment with me.

Today, I picked up my cap and gown. I just did it because i had to and I didn't want to, you know, pay too much for being late. But it was strange. When I told the service person my info and she went back to get it, I was thinking, "wow, I'm getting it" but it was still pretty low key. But somewhere between walking to the cash register and walking out of the bookstore I began to smile unexpectedly and uncontrollably. I'm like, "damn, I'm actually here [except for the upcoming midterm and completion of my project]." I have a hood. I have a FRICKIN' HOOD! It was a special moment that I had no idea at all that would happen.

I told my friend that I don't remember feeling this way after my 4 year thing. It was nice and exciting, but it was different. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because finishing that four year thing was always an expectation - it wasn't an if, it was just a when. I LOVED my life at Davis, I had so much damn fun (as evidenced by the fatty fat fat I put on). Maybe this time, because it wasn't an expectation.. it wasn't an inevitable stop on the road. Maybe because I chose to do this and it's my "job", a livelihood, a passion, a chosen path. Maybe because of the intensity - not so much with the expected work (because I felt they took it easy on us) but because this has been the eat-sleep-shit of my life - and is supposed to be. Maybe it's that I've learned that this thing I've done (for the past 4 1/2 years) is much harder than I realized and fortunately enough I am pretty good at it, for the most part (relative to where I am in terms of professional development). Maybe it's just a landmark like any, but since this has taken so much of my time that it feels more important (even if it may or not be.) I dunno.

I talked to my classmates before class and asked them if they had picked up their gear. One said that he was overcome with emotion as he almost teared before leaving the bookstore. The other said that she sat on the couch in front of her tv just wearing the hood and cap - just cuz she could.

I haven't decided what I'll do with it yet (other than graduation). I have so much work to do. I guess it just hit me today that I'm really close to accomplishing something big no matter how nonchalant my attitude toward it was. Wow.

interesting day - and the BEST poker hand, eeever!

Just came back from the no-longer-weekly-Barrelmen Poker Game.

I got a big chip lead early. One hand, 4 people went all-in (since the last buy-in was coming up). I think the flop had a K-Q-J-10-random. We ALL had hands. Someone got a set. Someone got a straight to the K. Someone else probably hit a pair. Me? I had big slick: A-K. I won. MAJOR chip lead early.

A few hands later I went up against an all-in. The flop was something to the effect of: 7S-5S-random number. I was holding QS, 10S. I think I might have hit a pair too so maybe there was a Q on the board. Anyway, I had a lot of outs. Actually, I think I took two people out with that hand. I got a flush on the river. Increased the lead. Basically, I tightened up til I was head-to-head. I took out 3 of the last 4 players. I was just hitting cards.

So the last hand was this: I was holding K,10D. Flop: AD-QD-JD. ROYAL FRICKING FLUSH! I checked the big blind ($350). Player 2 raised $700. I called. Turn came, I think it was a 6S. He must've hit something. he went all-in. I called immediately. (Going into the hand I held 65-75% of the chips.) I apologized. He didn't realize it. I WON WITH A FRICKIN ROYAL FLUSH.

but...

before that hand was dealt, our friend rigged the deck. it was a joke. we got punk'd. The best hand in the world didn't really come. BOOO!!!

I ended up winning despite trying to rush and fish for an end. I was sleepy. I was tired. I was catching cards, but I realize I also wasn't blessed with too many pockets pairs, so I did manage my stack well. I haven't won in such a long time. I walked home with $80 extra dollars.

Add that to the $50 I won for the NCAA Bracket and the $33 dollars of merchandise I sold and I have had a reasonable amount of "income" this week.

After the diatribe on Filipinos, I had a meeting with my friend's group of Filipino adult clients and introduced myself and my project. At first I had some "wtf" faces - but after a few minutes, some of them started asking questions and offered to be interviewed despite not having children within the age range. It felt nice. Made me realize why I'm so frustrated... because I have high hopes for this project. Initially I wanted to get 5 families (2 parents (if available) and one child) so at most 15 participants. BUT, if the clients say they're interested, I'll interview as many of them who participate. More work for me. But opportunities like these come very rarely. I also want them to recognize my appreciation.

After that, I had a nice discussion with one of the people who worked there (who started after me). She's engaged, but I have a crush on her. Haha, JK. She's just an interesting person. All the good ones are always taken, right?

The Warriors won their 6th straight on the road and 7th in a row altogether, despite playing like crap in the 2nd half. I guess confident teams pull through despite playing badly - and right now, they're the hottest team in the league. For years we've always had some false senses of optimism - "they'll be good next year!". FINALLY, this year, it is actually for REAL!

The A's won their first game of the season off of a great start by #5 pitcher (filling in the 2nd spot for ailing Rich Harden), Saarloos. He pitched really well in place of Huddy last year. I think he's solid. Swish, one of the Moneyball babies, hit two homers. Solid win. 9-0. Oh, and rookie reliever Huston Street, who at this time last year, was pitching Texas on the way towards the National Championship. He's flown through the A's farm system to get a roster spot. He came up in the 7th or 8th with the A's up 7-0. Good time to bring a really YOUNG rookie to pitch his first Major League appearance ever. He got into some trouble. He put two men on. With two outs, Sammy Sosa came up. His last at bat almost left the yard. Street got ahead early on Sosa with two nasty breaking balls. There was a short battle with Street winning by whiffing Sammy on another off-speed pitch.

When the W's win, the A's win, and I win... it's a good frickin' day!

damn filipinos

do i sound hateful? probably.

my 298/final research project for this MSW thing is an exploratory study of the cultural dynamics in Filipino American families where the parent(s) are Philippine-born and the children are American-born (it could've easily been the 1.5 generation like me who moved here at a real young age and basically grew up American wiht very minimal direct influence from the culture in the Philippines.) Anyway, I am 6 weeks from my final day of the semester and I have not found ONE solid lead (or if I have the Filipino American Professionals I was working with did not contact the family on my behalf - considering trust and safety issues - who would feel comfortable with some guy calling up saying "I don't know you, but can I interview your family and STUDY you?").

In August I helped organize a Parent Brunch - even focusing on very specific youth (incoming freshmen) and patterned the brunch on EDUCATION (the only real value placed by Filipino parenting [yes, it's a generalization, don't take me seriously.]) We sent letters, then called them at home/work and left messages, and then we sent out reminder postcards. The letters were translated to Tagalog. Who showed up? None of the parents. But there were a bunch of College grads and undergrads who were there to try to help out. Good thing I didn't invite parent volunteers.

Last month, I attended a Filipino American Youth Health Conference for families. What parents came? I think the Exec. Director's immediate contacts. Good for them. But no one else. There were more volunteers from agencies there to table than there were "families".

Obviously, a tenet of community organizing is establishing a needs assessment - thereby finding a need that is community defined. I haven't done so yet, but if I were to do one, I assume Financial Planning (for the parents), Real Estate tips (for the parents), and umm, that's it. College is inevitable for ALL Filipino kids because you know, it's the only thing that's important in a Filipino household, at least for the kids. How many friends of ours (and ourselves) did a bunch of rebellion on the under that our/their parents never saw because we/the other kids were honor roll kids? "My kid in a gang? No way. He gets straight A's!" Uh, yeah.

My friend used to share this story to other mental health professionals: she had a cousin who was schizophrenic to the point of a 5150 (need for hospitalization). His mother's solution? Praying. It was a moral condition. You know, just like "deviant" sexuality and failing grades (due to the lazy condition). Of course, my sarcasm isn't meant to denounce prayer and faith, but damn, get help.

Don't want help? Why? Shame. Mga-hiya.. shyness. Debt. Asking for help is shameful. Asking for help is a debt. What kind of parent can't control their kids? (especially when they use the Filipino way of control and discipline: guilt, low self-esteem, bad self-image, low feelings of appreciation. I turned out well. Yes. I was scared enough to stick true to what they were saying. But at times I look back and think why the hell did we get fights over me not doing the "extra" problem in my math homework just to make sure i knew it? Why did getting B's cause stress.. and C's cause silent crisis? [yes, a bit exagerated - but you know, when you're a kid..] Plus, growing up as any adolscent with image issues, general self-esteem issues, etc.. it didn't help. But I really think some of that shit we went through could've been dealt with much better. No stupid LETTER should ever give a person such pain. NEVER. I know my parents broke the mold better than the generalizations I am glorifying. I'm not complaining about them.

Anyway, the cultural gap between Filipinos and the human service field is an issue and frustrating. But what I have been more frustrated with these past months were my interactions with Filipino human service professionals. Very segmented - very insincere support. One E.D. took over 2 weeks or more just to review my project proposal that really only had 3 pages of details at most. What made it worse? She's an MSW also. AND it's my OLD WORKPLACE (thought she's new and never worked with me.) So, I get screwed on three levels. The Filipino thing. I'm fine with that. The work thing, that's understandable too. But the fact that she's an MSW who's been through the same type of experience as I am going through and she still saw no urgency in my numerous calls (and somewhat badgering by me and friends at work.)

Anyway, I am just venting. I am disillusioned. I've thought of completing cutting off the "community" from any of my future endeavors, but I know I'll find a way not to do that because in my heart I wouldn't want to. And this is much more than just complaining about people - specific individuals - or specially identified foes - but it's more of a reflection on the sad state of what so many families continually grow through. SHit.

Rule 1: Feel stupid.
Rule 2: Feel helpless.
Rule 3: Feel ugly.
Rule 4: Feel sexless hence feel inhumanly.
Rule 5: Feel guilt whenever any of these rules are not obeyed or agreed with.

Woohoo. Now, let's go eat some lumpia and do a dance.

Online Communities!

If you were to ask me about online communities a couple years ago.. I would have laughed in your face and said.. get a life...

Funny how time changes peoples attitudes towards certain things... Because now I'm a Online Community Whore!! Don't believe me.. check this out:

http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=20298&Mytoken=20050401234409

Any particular reason why I'm on a community like so.. well it all started with Friendster, where I actually re-connected with a lot of old friends and even family members I never knew existed. Then I migrated to Myspace.. which is alot more flexible than Friendster.. but there's a big difference between the two.

On Friendster, I know pretty much everyone on my friends list... On Myspace.. I only know like 10 % of the people on my friends list.. hahahah... so who are the rest of the people.. YOU GOT ME!!